WTF?!

Okay, so ever have someone say something to you that totally takes you off guard and makes you think WTF? Well that happened to me yesterday. Now, Im an avid exerciser. I work out 5-6 days a week and on top of that i really TRY to watch what I eat on a regular basis...I've been pretty successful about that (although thats another blog posting right there lol) and I'm rather proud of what I've been able to accomplish. I've gotten myself, with some wonderful help, in the best shape of my life. Yet Im never satisfied with how I look. It doesn't matter that I've lost tons of fat, gained muscle, become learner than I've ever been, or have a physique that I never thought I was cable of. Or that Im following my dreams and have made great strides i never thought I could. In my head Im still chunky, overweight, unworthy and in thinking that way I fall into habits that do nothing but support those negative emotions and trains of thought. The imperfections still outweigh all the good things and I fixate on those.

So yesterday as I walk into my gym, while fretting about something I ate the night before and how "fat" it made me overnight (crazy huh?), the receptionist who I see everyday and who I think is a fox checks me in and she proceeds to say "I was telling your trainer yesterday that I'm jealous of your body." My mind is blown. What did she just say? Is she crazy?! What Kool aid is she drinking? My response to her: "WHAT?! WHY?!" I have to admit I may have been a bit abrasive but i was dumbfounded. She had to be crazy. And in a moment of sheer almost embarrassing honesty she says "I don't know, to me you just have the perfect body," Now Im really perplexed. Shocked, mad, happy, scared, elated, cautious,.....because Not only do i have a beautiful woman telling me she thinks I have the "perfect body" but those words in no way, shape or form, now or ever, should, could, would apply to me. I wanted to say "Girl you're crazy." "You don't see everything." "If only you knew." "You're lying." "What's wrong with you?" But instead I simply looked at her, saw her sincerity, halted the coming scoff of disbelief, swallowed any pride, smiled and said "Thank you, thats sweet of you to say" and simply walked away.
As I went through my workout, showered, went about my day, I thought about those words..."perfect body". How could she think that about me? Im not perfect. I dont have a six pack. My thighs arent the tightest, my arms are still small...Im not the adonis I see everyday on the magazine covers with the ripped body. Yet, I knew she was being honest. She was being truthful. I could see it in her face. You know, when you say something personal to someone you barely know because you just want them to know how you feel. She kind of blushed. People don't have to be nice.
Later something hit me...maybe the world sees me in a way I don't see myself. Maybe in all my fixating on what's "wrong" I don't see the complete package. The world doesn't know my history. They don't see my baggage. They see what I bring into the room and honestly Im not entirely sure what that is,, but apparently its something good....something that people respond to. Maybe Ive just been refusing to accept it because the self deprecation is more familiar to me.

Guess this is part of what they call maturing.....